Saturday, December 27, 2008

cock & pussy



















We spent Christmas at R's mom's ranch. After dinner, she handed me my gift with glassy tears in her eyes. I peeled back the red and green paper to reveal a portrait that R's belated grandmother painted of him in his Oakland A's little league jacket, cap, and miniature baseball bat. She sniffled as she said that she wanted me to have it so I could hang it with the rest of my Grandma O paintings (I'm up to 5 or 6 now). Very touching...

Then, R's mom pulled out a long wrapped object and handed it to R. My logic led me to deduce that this  was the little baseball bat that little R is holding in the painting. WRONG. Much to my utter delight, t'was a massive oosik (walrus penis bone) that his stepdad carved out of a rotting carcass in Alaska years ago.

The bobcat skull was a post-Thanksgiving-thank-you-for-watching-the-pisshound gift from them as well. I suppose if we're ever in a pinch, we can hock the cock for some $$$. Someone special once said that our home "is where good taste goes to die."

Hope your holidays were filled with magic, cock, & pussy, too.

15 comments:

  1. Holy crap, is she ever cool. My MIL is so rigid and proper, she would make Emily Post say "Chill."

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  2. hehe, she's a gun slingin' cowgirl who says "you betcha."

    i want to hear stories about your MIL!

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  3. A telling tale about my MIL: When my then-fiance told her our dog was going to be in our wedding wearing a collar of flowers, she exclaimed,"What are you having - a wedding or a circus?!?"

    She's a pip.

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  4. i love r's mom. plus she is a total FOX! you know she must have been an epic partier when she was young. she rules. amazing gifts tbsp!

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  5. I had a cock and pussyless christmas but I will hopefully make up for that in the new year.

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  6. ZOMGZZZZ, Raina, your dog was in your wedding??? that is so cute so perfect! i want to see photos!

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  7. TBSP! you've seen those PANTS! hahahaha... where can i get a pair of snakeskin pants?

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  8. hotdog, i hope you find lots of hotdong in your new year ♥

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  9. that bobcat skull is going to give me nightmares. didn't walrus penis bone sign to a major label recently?

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  10. welcome back from robotland, sherri!

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  11. We ended up at the courthouse because both of our mothers pissed us off so much during the wedding planning.

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  12. Oh, Raina, that's so funny. R and I were planning a wedding too, but ended up going to the Little White Wedding Chapel in Vegas instead.

    I've been meaning to ask you, how long have you lived in NZ?

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  13. A year and a half. My husband has a two-year contract to teach at a university here. We had initially planned on staying, but the culture isn't for us.

    He's applied to about a dozen schools and hopefully we'll know by April-ish where we're going.

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  14. R's Mom is so hot.. remember when I was pretty much hitting on her at Queen?
    Love
    Bnutt

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  15. OMG your in-laws sound hilarious! My boyfriend's parents *almost* fall into Raina's category, except for one incident. We were over for Easter one year, and after dinner and a couple of cocktails they took out this local newspaper from a few days before. It had a column announcing the dates and times for various services at their church, and for one of them instead of "The Anointing of the Sick," it said "The Anointing of the Dick." Seeing Allen's usually humorless father collapse into giggles gave me some hope.

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The divine PB&J in me, salutes the divine PB&J in you.