Thursday, March 26, 2009

Daily Horoscope

Today you will wake up refreshed from the muscle relaxer you took last night because you kept clenching your teeth and couldn't "loosen your face." Your curiousity will lead you to attend the Yoga club at work during your lunch break while a rubbery Scottish girl on a mountain top tells you how to mangle your body after a long dormant winter. Beware, for this could be a sign of things to come.

After you eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich at your desk, you will not be able to resist the temptation of your coworker's birthday cake. Because that son of a bitch Mercury is in the vicinity, you'll grow increasing larger sharp pains in your stomach. But fear not, brave Scorpio, your stubborn nature won't let this misfortune stop you. You will pound through piles of work hunched over and clutching your waist and drive home trying not to vomit.

When you least expect it, a tall mysterious man will help try to stretch you out, even though that is not at all what you want. Birthday cake or strained stomach muscle? Either way, hours of being curled up in a fetal position is in your near future.

What does your horoscope say for today?

1 comment:

The divine PB&J in me, salutes the divine PB&J in you.