Friday, September 18, 2009

Couplandisms, abridged



Nothing very very good and nothing very very bad ever lasts for very very long.


Telling people they look relaxed makes them look relaxed.


Your body isn’t just a body. It’s an ecosystem.


Being asked what animal you’d like to be is a trick question; you’re already an animal.


It’s difficult to speak with beautiful people. No matter how hard you try to pretend otherwise, you still want them to like you.


Your brain forms roughly 10,000 new cells every day, but unless they hook up to preexisting cells with strong memories, they die. Serves them right.


The capacity for not feeling lonely can carry a very real price, that of feeling nothing at all.


Eagles are seagulls with a good hairdo.


Sometimes failure isn’t an opportunity in disguise, it’s just you.


Christmas makes everything twice as sad.


Failure is authentic, and because it’s authentic, it’s real and genuine, and because of that, it’s a pure state of being.


Salad bars are like a restaurant’s lungs. They soak up the impurities and bacteria in the environment, leaving you with much cleaner air to enjoy.


Tofu hot dogs are actually scarier than real hot dogs. It’s like wanting the worst possible meat product without even the thrill of it actually being meat.


Never loan a book to someone if you expect to get it back. Loaning books is the same as giving them away.


Gap clothing allows you to look like you’re from nowhere and anywhere. It also allows you to look as though you’re not particularly from the present, future or past, either.


Flying dreams mean that you’re doing the right thing with your life.


If nothing else, we simply get used to being alive.


Life always kills you in the end, but first it prevents you from getting what you want.


Lottery tickets are a surtax on desperation.


Every single moment is a coincidence.


Today sure is a beautiful day. Yessiree, nothing could possibly go wrong on a beautiful day like today.

5 comments:

  1. Don't say that about loaned books. My next door neighbor has my only signed Sedaris. I know, how dumb was that? Have a fantastic weekend Mizrus G.

    ReplyDelete
  2. yeah, but you know where s/he lives!! be knocking in a few weeks ;)

    you have a great weekend, too!

    ReplyDelete
  3. That GAP comment made me laugh.

    ReplyDelete
  4. AMAZING.
    The Gap comment made me snicker too.
    "Life always kills you in the end, but first it prevents you from getting what you want."
    Fucking brilliant.

    ReplyDelete
  5. so i'm reading this, and i'm thinking to myself, "why is this so familiar? are these lines from a movie?" and then i realize - this is from douglas coupland's twitter! i read it constantly! it has such quotable material.

    ReplyDelete

The divine PB&J in me, salutes the divine PB&J in you.