Thursday, October 15, 2009

Metallic Masticators

Am I making shit up, or do I recall Tami from the Real World: Los Angeles wiring her jaw shut in order to lose weight for her EnVogue/Salt'N'Pepa girl group?  Did this happen? Does anyone else remember this? I can't seem to find any evidence of this on the internets. I was only 11 at the time, but WTF?!

"Why does this matter?" you may be asking yourself...

...Well, I was reflecting on body image, projecting that the 90s were a much friendlier, healthier place for women's bodies. A time where the Crawfords, Campbells, Schiffers, and Turlingtons reigned supreme on the catwalks, for there was not a waif in sight. The golden B.K. era, if you will. (Before Kate [Moss]). There were fewer (or perhaps just less tabloid/media coverage of) grotesquely gaunt gals galavanting around.

Then, good ol' Tami and her metallic masticator popped into my mind. If she had, as I alleged earlier, wired her jaw shut to lose weight, then that would be way fucked, right? Totally unacceptable now-a-day, even though thin is more "in" than ever. Are we just driving our weight obsession underground? Is Tami the Tubman of eating disorders?

If I am mistaken (highly plausible), then my apologies, nothing to see here...carry on.

ps. But seriously, a hick, a black dude, a surfer brah, a diva, a crazy Irish guy, a Latina cop, and a milk fed midwestern gal?? Well, I never!

pps. Remember when the RW was kind of good? Or maybe we just grew up/older than the cast and thought they weren't so "cool" after all. SF & Boston were the last seasons that I watched. Now it's just a bunch of beer pigs and mouth breathers.

ppps. The overwhelming number of Ann Coulter photos that pop up when I Google image search "jaw wired shut" is quite entertaining!

pppps. Okay, I'm finished now. I promise.

ppppps. I lied, but I love you.


  1. Gahd! You fucking amaze me sometimes. We seriously share some kind of weird meta brainwaves sometimes. I love the 2nd season RW. Them and the Boston one were good.
    Do you remember that Tami also had a televised abortion. She was so goddamn cutting edge with her envelope pushing and ankh chokers...anyways, she did wire her jaw.
    My friend had her jaw wired a few years ago. Lost alot of weight but also suffered some weird bone destroying mouth bacteria as a result of. It's weird.

    I totes agree with you abt the beer pigs & mouth breathers. They're all meat heads with shitty hair now.

    I want more latina cops.

    Ps:(Ben applied to the Boston RW back in the 90s... when I think of this I die a little inside. I would pay 2million dollars to see the tape he sent in)

  2. HA! This post brings back memories. And I totally agree about the B.K. era. Such a sad world we live in. Give it up for the curvy gals!

  3. she totes did! remember the abortion episode? and she worked at a hivs clinic!

  4. Yeah, I remember her wiring her jaw shut too.

  5. How did that cowboy avoid getting the crap beat out of him when wearing that shirt in his hometown?

    Seriously, this question will plague me all day.

  6. whatthefack re: abortion episode i'm reading about in the comments here? that rings a tiny, dingy little bell, but i can't remember much. maybe that's why i grew up classifying the procedure along with mole and wisdom tooth removals: no big deal!


The divine PB&J in me, salutes the divine PB&J in you.