Thursday, April 30, 2009

A novella of a meme...



I darn got the shit clawed outta me by The (Fabulous) Claw! Here goes!
1. What is your current obsession?


Color me embarrassed, but I'm kind of totally (okay, totally-totally) obsessed with Tumblr. It's blogging for lazy people. This kind of grosses me out because I realize how much internet junk there is out there and here I am being a gourmand, just stuffing myself silly with jpegs, gifs, and crap while I should be doing other, more productive things.



2. Who was the last person you hugged?

My mom, every morning before I go to work when I drop my dog off. I love her to pieces. I just want to squeeze her forever and curl up in a ball on her lap, Bella gets to instead of me.



3. What’s your favorite dinner?
Meatloaf, preferably in cake form. My darling M. said she would make me one for my birthday this year. That would make me the happiest girl in the world. The thought of it makes me want to wag my nonexistent tail. My mouth is watering now, must move on to the next question before I short out my keyboard...



4. What was the last movie you saw in the theatre?

Jeez, it's been a long while, Tropic Thunder or Sex and the City, perhaps? I'm such a procrastinator and the movie I want to see is usually out of the theater by the time I get around to making plans. Thank the baby jesus for Netflix. Speaking of, has anyone seen "Cruising" with Al Pacino? I think this may be the best dvd I've ever rented. Why is this not a cult classic? I think it's right up there with Taxi Driver.

Plot from IMDB:
"A police detective goes undercover in the sleazy and underground gay subculture of New York City to catch a serial killer who is murdering numerous gay men with S&M tactics" -1980



5. What was the last thing you bought? (to wear)
Prada patent peep toe booties (for play) & kitten heel pumps (for work). ZOMG, shoes. My weakness. Never... enough... shoes.



6. What are you listening to right now?
The whirring of the air conditioner, my computer struggling to stay alive, and jets flying overhead.



7. What is your favorite weather?
Arizona winters and East Coast autumns.



8. Say something to the person who tagged you.
Sherri! Congrats to your hubs for passing the shrink test. Please see #14. You are so funny and smart. I'm so glad to have met you through the interwebs. Your boys are extremely lucky to have such a wonderful, loving, moms like you.



9. Tea or Coffee?
COFFEEEEE. I'm sorry that I try to break up with you all the time, Coffee. I keep trying to declare my autonomy, but I always come crawling back to you, with said non-existent tail tucked between my legs.



10. What did you want to become as a child?
An interior designer, however, I never accounted for all the mean, shitty clients with unbudging piss poor taste [note: not any G.O.D. clients, of course!], lugging shit around, climbing on ladders, hauling rugs, and the other baggage that comes along with it. Not so much.



11. If you could go anywhere in the world for the next hour, where would you go?
A sidewalk cafe in Paris, however, I probably would only get served once my time is up.



12. Who do you want to meet in person?
Tina Fey. I'm such a dorky fangirl. I'd probably just get really shy and clamp up.


13. What is your most challenging goal right now?


Not flunking out of Grad School. So hard. To my dismay, C's don't get degrees anymore. 2 C's and you're on academic probation, 3 and you're kicked out of the program. AHH!



14. What is your weirdest obsession?
Therapy. Mostly, people who go to therapy as regular upkeep, maintenance. How is it? Do you love it? Does is cost a lot? How do you feel afterward? How would you feel without it? Why do you go? Will you tell me what it's like in an anonymous comment??? I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown last year and couldn't bring myself to go. I have appointment phobia. I don't know, the whole topic is intriguing to me. Spilling the beans to a stranger scares me. Obv. not on here though, hah.



15. Why did you start a blog?
I had a tonsillectomy last year and was out of work for a week. That, and I was growing tired of Livejournal. You will see that my earlier posts are liquid vicodin (aka zombie baby crack juice) fueled.



16. What's your blog about (give me the 2-3 sentence elevator pitch)
A whole lot of nothing and everything, as the title suggests.



17. Which blogs are you obsessed with at the moment?
Me Melodia. I'm so obsessed. Her blog is what my blog wishes it could be when it grows up. We both have Chihuahuas and a penchant for taxidermy.



18. What is your dream job? (realistic or unrealistic)
To own a stationery store in the City where I could bring Bella to work everyday (v.v. unrealistic in so many ways).



19. If you could change professions or careers, what would you like to try? (realistically speaking)
One where I could boss people around and make them do all my work for me.



20. Who is your favorite designer at the moment?
MARNI. Kills. Me.



21. What's your favorite brand of jeans?
Topshop & any Japanese brand (they know how to make pants for shorties).



22. One thing that you would snitch out of someone's closet, with no regrets?
Luxirare's Balenciaga coat. I desperately need a non-Michelin Man winter coat.



23. What designer piece of clothing would you most like to own? (new or vintage)
Rick Owens' entire A/W 08 collection blew my mind to smithereens. I'd love to own a piece from it someday.
Now I tag the following: (No pressure lovelies, I understand if memes ain't your thang)



Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Happy 100th day...

I love this shirt. It's hard to believe that most of my early adulthood has been marred by these retards. Thanks a lot, dudes.

Monday, April 27, 2009

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Prada & Tigers & Booze, oh my!



It's the weekend, finally, and I feel like dancin'! Has this also been the longest week of everyone else's lives? But alas, we can't walk backwards into the future. (That nugget was from a fortune cookie my buddy Steve got Thursday night, you can steal it if you want). All I want is a fucking Twinkie and another bottle of this. I wish I had more exciting things to report, but my life is not very exciting right now. Oh wait, I got 2 new pairs of shoes today. I just can't help myself.


I'm pretty jazzed that Tiger Butter has been picking up lately. Thanks to all who have added it to their blogrolls. Stop on by, as we have a lot of new hilariously smart and brilliantly funny contributors. Also, drop us a line, if you'd like to have a haven to be vulgar and silly while still maintaining your principal blog's integrity. I also really want the recently featured GoGirl piss funnel. I think I'm going to buy it after I finish this post. I'll let y'all know how awesome it is. If you see a lump in my pocket, don't fret, it's just my piss funnel. And it's okay, because urine is sterile.

Things that excite me:
♥The prospect of planning our summer vacation.
Paris? Reykjavik? Hawaii?
♥Wearing my new shoes
♥ Brunch with M
♥The Stevester letting us borrow his Wii and Wii fit ...KICKIE PARTIES!
♥Pizza
♥Pissing whilst standing

Hope you all have a restful weekend.

photo of Henry Behrens, the smallest man in the world dances with his pet cat in the doorway of his Worthing home  via vintagephoto 

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

To Do List



  1. Grow out hair 
  2. Drop out of grad school
  3. Quit job 
  4. Build time machine 
  5. Take dancing lessons from this babe
  6. Become a go go dancer

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Monday, April 20, 2009

8===D*******

Google Reader/RSS feeds are the virtual equivalent of premature ejaculation.
"Oh, wait, not ready to post yet... oh fuck, there it goes. It's gone."

Sunday, April 19, 2009

GOES211



We saw this car on the way to Tucson a couple of months ago.
A-mazing.

Oh, the times we've had...

Friday: Earthmen & Strangers + Black Lips = dancing blister + 1 massive pit stain (hot asymmetrical shirt courtesy of Circa Now)
    
Saturday was celebrating the end of our brutal statistics final by watching Cry-Baby & drinking mimosas. How cliché is it to have a fangirl crush on John Waters? I don't give a shit, he is the cutest thing EVER.


Hope you all had a nice weekend. I'm off to give my brain a rest.

Umm...

Why is this lil' bebe not mine????


"Being into Slayer is Metal. Being a chihuahua is NON-Metal but turning around and taking a dump at someone who just questioned your Metalness blasts you into the Metal stratosphere." -Shirts&Destroy


Wednesday, April 15, 2009

The Great Taco Caper

...dog shit.


So, I've received an overwhelming influx of requests (read: 3) that I provide an explanation for the post entitled, "This taco tastes like shit."  As many of you may already know (because I'm a boast and a braggart), my darling little furball, Bella, uses a litter box. A couple of weekends ago, we had momma R over for her birthday and R-R made his infamous chicken tacos.

Whilst cleaning up at the end of the night, I noticed that Bell had done her biznazz on the lip of the litter box. There were no paper towels handy, however, I was on my way to deposit a stale tortilla into the trash bin. I bent down and used the makeshit [sic-for real!] flour paper towel to dispose of the turd. I mean, why waste a fresh paper product? I'm so gree--er, brown? 

My hand hovered over the trash about to release, until I realized what great imagery this was. Delighted I screamed, "POOP TACO!" while waving it around in the air. Then, R proceeded to slap on the left over toppings, browning guac, some refried beans, some shredded cheese, etc. Yes, yes. I realize that people are starving around the world and here I am, putting food on poop. I never said I was mature, or good.

There were subsequent "pretend-to-eat-the-poop-taco" photos that didn't turn out. It was good for a laugh and only lasted for about 3 minutes. It's the little things in life that count, right? So now you know, and knowing is half the battle.

Zee End.



photo via jjjjound 

Monday, April 13, 2009

Gratitudes: Flat Tire Edition

An old black man in a caddy pulls up next to me and motions for me to roll down my window. I oblige. "Your back tire is very low. You should put some air in it straight away." "Oh! Thank you, thanks! I appreciate it!" I walk around the car, "Aw, FUCK. Again?!?"

About six months ago, when I ran over a nail (this time, a screw) I couldn't even manage to pry the spare loose from the trunk. I felt like a grade A failure. However, tonight I was jammin' to my redemption song. I had the spare, the tools, the jack, everything. 

Another neighbor dude and his old lady (who remotely resembled Amy Poehler) rounded the corner with their two dogs as they spied me attempting to put on the spare myself. I probably looked stupid as fuck with that whole empowered, "HELLS YEAH! I can change my own stinkin' tire" silly look on my face. 

As I was cranking down the jack, he asked if I needed help. "No thanks, I think I got it." YEAH! I'M AWESOME!! "Are you suuure?" "Yeah, thanks, though!" I bet he could smell the bluff from a mile away. They approached. The little black dog took a major country shit in the rocks, stepped in it a couple of times, and jumped on me.

"Well, okaaay," I conceded in an unconvincingly all too quick manner. I began to thank him as profusely as his sweat bullets plopped to the ground. It's a good thing he intervened, because I had an extremely crude sense of the order of events....1. take off bolts, 2. lift the car, 3. put on spare, et voila! I'd completely failed to deduct that the parking break should've been on. 

Now this is where I need your help! I want to send them a thank you gift for being such kind neighbors. Wine (what if they don't drink alcohol)? Starbucks Gift Card (what if they don't drink caffeine--this place is crawling with Mormons)? Cookies? Dog toys? Any good ideas on how I can properly convey my gratitude to the lovely neighbors in #1027?

Thanks in advance!

UPDATE:
Got them a thank you card and a PetSmart gift card.

GLOM GLOM GLOM


The Dead Weather is vocalist Alison Mosshart (The Kills), guitarist Dean Fertita (Queens of the Stone Age), bassist Jack Lawrence (The Raconteurs and The Greenhornes) and drummer Jack White (The White Stripes and The Raconteurs)


What the fuck!?! Have I been living under a rock???

Yup.


G: What would you do if 
you were told you only had 
6 months to live?
R: I'd get a 2nd opinion.

Sunday, April 12, 2009

Wordplay







"What is this, Horseville?
Because I'm surrounded by naysayers!"
-Tracy Jordan, 30 Rock




No. Words.

It may be the atheist in me, but bunnies wearing sweaters>>>>>resurrecting the dead.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

DOH!

I'm pretty excited about these stamps! Don't forget about the postage rate increase on May 11th. More info here... 

Friday, April 10, 2009
























Gaga for Balenciaga

Thursday, April 09, 2009

Wednesday, April 08, 2009

Bag Ladies


I felt super honored when Maria Fe, from Layers of Meaning, invited me to partake in her "Through Her Eyes" series along side many old and new bookmarked bloggers. Pop over and check out this week's installment, What's In Your Bag? 

HINT:
♥Chihuahua
♥Naked dude
♥Ventures Mosrite

Tuesday, April 07, 2009

Smaller than small, that's all.



"I am cosmically insignificant, and therefore all of my so-called problems are too," she mused as she exhaled ten million light years of relief.


photo via nasa 

Thursday, April 02, 2009

Gratitudes: Lost & Found Edition

























LOST
1 Set of personal keys
Several thumb drives

FOUND
1 ID Badge & SunCard
1 Key
1 Earring
1 Ball cap
1 Set of small speakers
1 Pair of sunglasses
1 Bunny pendant
1 Extension cord
1 Thumb drive
1 Tea filter water bottle
1 Pair motorcycle gloves
1 Pair work gloves
1 Religious medallion


Most lost and found items that remain unclaimed after a few weeks are taken to the Lost & Found at the Information Desk. However, to ensure that intellectual property remains secured, all electronic data storage devices are turned over to IT, lab notebooks are turned over to Health & Safety for return to the assigned user and other notebooks, files or papers are shredded. Please remember to secure your personal items to prevent loss or theft.

******************************************************


This list made me chuckle out loud today. I bolded my faves. Sooooo glad it's Friday tomorrow. Hope you all have a great weekend!
xx
















via ffffound 

Wednesday, April 01, 2009

APRIL FOOLED!

GOD DAMMIT!!!
Fooled again by Google for the 3rd year in a row!