Friday, December 31, 2010



Pats on the back all the way around! 2010 was a tough old bag, no? Well, good riddance! I have this Pollyanna feeling that 2011 is going to be stellar. You can take me behind the woodshed if it turns out otherwise.

I can't recall if I made new year's resolutions last year... if I did, I couldn't find them. Oops. I was probably sick of failing at all of them and threw in the towel. I figured I'd go a little easier on myself this year.

11 GOALS FOR 2011:
  1. Do not take the elevator to your 2nd floor office
    in your 3 story building, you lazy piece of shit.
  2. Send your loved ones birthday letters.
  3. Read at least 5 books.
  4. Write at least 4 letters each month.
  5. Finally get that molar from grade school electroplated
    & made into a necklace.
  6. Volunteer for Meals on Wheels. I ♥ shut ins.
  7. Make (and keep) 3 new friends.
  8. Make a zine.
  9. Take a cooking class.
  10. Work on a five year plan.
  11. Start a band.
Happy New Year, buds! Thanks for being so awesome to me in 2010. I'm more grateful than you'll ever know.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

Desultory Delights: No. 7

Totally bangable. 
All of it.

(#1?, #2)

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Best Wishes

She plucked a rogue eyelash from his cheek and leaned in close with it balancing on the end her finger.

"Make a wish," she said.

"I wish you'd get that thing out of my face," he responded without skipping a beat.

And that, my friends, is precisely why she loved him so.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Fox Fur Nebula // LV Fluoro

Stars & stripes forever. 
There's no place like home.
via jak&jil and nasa pic of the day

Friday, December 17, 2010

Houston or Bust!

Woke up early this morning. Put hollow points in the .38 snub nose and set out to pick up a hitchhiker and spread some goodwill.

Poor bastard had been standing on the I-10 eastbound on ramp for over a week now. At first, his cardboard sign had "HOUSTON" faintly scrawled in pen. A day or two later, he must have commandeered a marker of some sort, and soon it read "HOUSTON."

Driving by the middle aged man every morning nearly broke my heart. I wondered what was waiting for him 1,175 miles away. But mostly, I felt bad for him, because in reality, his chances of getting picked up were everso slim and the weather turned wetter by the moment.

We had the day off, so we drew up this elaborate plan to pick him up and buy him a bus ticket to Houston. I drove while R sat shotgun with a loaded gun in the glove box. A bit presumptuous, but you never know, right?

Turned out his name is Charlie and was trying to get back home to his grandkids. He told us about how he used to own a trucking company, then foreclosed on his house and ran out of funds. How he was able to get disability from the VA for a while. How he found a spigot and bucket to shower and keep clean. About maybe finding work with a rodeo in TX. How Christmas is about the good lord Jesus.

We got to the Greyhound station and bought him a one way ticket outta town. This is when it gets a million times better. We found out his full name is Charlie Murphy (hello, Dave Chappelle fans?!)! There was a bus that was just about to pull away, and we shook his rough hand, wished him good luck, and sent him on his way.

My Grinch heart grew several sizes bigger today. Relieved that we weren't stabbed nor did we have to shoot anybody, it made me very grateful for all the privileges that I've been afforded in life. I guess it cheapens it that I'm posting about it, but it certainly was a fun and interesting adventure.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

In which I Channel Carrie at Graduation

R & I attended convocation for our MBAs today. Mainly for our parent's sake, but nonetheless. We sat on white folding chairs on the floor of the arena sweating under our highly flammable gowns and hoods. Seventeen minutes before the start of the ceremony, R & I decide to switch seats so we could each sit closer to our group mates. I stand and straddle over, then feel a gush of warmth trail down my leg. PANIC. This is what I get for trying to cajole a regular maxi on semi thongish underwear.

I perch for a moment, then spring up and run to my purse, that sat in my mom's lap in the bleachers. I snatch it from her then tried to find a restroom. The cunty usher insists that I have to climb 3 flights of stairs (in Alaïas) to the main concourse. BLERGH! At this point I could feel something dripping down my left leg. Surely my lace black tights would reveal all. Why did I have to change out of the opaque ones?!?!?!?

I huff up the stadium stairs hoping no one is witnessing this gruesome CSI scene behind me, run into the bathroom stall and begin hyperventilating whilst nearly ripping the toilet paper roll right off the the wall. I'm cramming toilet paper into my tights, wondering if the ceremony would start without me. I clean up the best I can and check the full length and notice a few spots on my gown. FML. I'd be walking across the stage any minute now.

I book it back down the steep stairs wondering maybe it wouldn't be so bad if I fell, then I could blame the blood on some kind of injury. I slip back into my seat, eyes paralyzed with fear, brows drenched with sweat. R asked if I was okay, but I was kind of slipping into a catatonic state.

I whisper to him and tell him what happened. He says he knew because when I abruptly launched up, I'd left behind a big stain on my white folding chair. Luckily, he thinks fast on his feet, so he grabbed a tiny sheet of yellow paper from the chair in front of him and covered up the stain. FAAAACK.

I stand a couple times for him to check if the entire back of my gown was covered in uterine lining. T'was not, as he informs me, pretending to fix my hood. I was a major stress ball the entire ceremony, trying to balance atop this 5 by 3 little yellow piece of paper, dreading walking across the stage. 

Good thing the gown was maroon, but STILL, quite mortifying. If ever ablation seemed like a good idea... I think I'm 100% sold.

Who the fuck had to clean up my chair?

Thursday, December 09, 2010

So into this A'N'D biker scarf from Pour Porter. So. 

Wednesday, December 08, 2010

"I greet you..."

This letter from Ralph Waldo Emerson to an aspiring unknown poet, Walt Whitman, really speaks to me. Great penmanship.


In other news...

...a stray dog strutted out in front of my car today and I didn't murder it.
Ah, progress.

...I found this on my car today. 
I felt a lil' snarky and stuck it back onto their car.

...I've come to grips with my parent's inevitable mortality.
No, this isn't a photo from's from my parent's garage. Those THREE PALLETS of Chivas will last my dad about as many months. If he's not worried, then I'm not worried. He should just enjoy his twilight. Fuck it.

Monday, December 06, 2010

Well, shit...

...or at least have had some better content. Welcome!

Thursday, December 02, 2010

U.F.: Letterpress Edition

OMG, my latest unhealthy fixation is the burning desire to get a letterpress machine. Sure, I live in a sq ft condominium, whateves. Who needs an office-slash-guest room?!?  Who needs a place to park their car?!? I think I could make this work!

Just imagine all the obscenities I could press into paper and mail to you guys! My head is swimming, no, DROWNING with all the possibilities. Maybe (hopefully) this too shall pass. But, these people aren't helping!

Can any letterpress lovelies give me some guidance? How do I go about my dream to own a letterpress? More importantly, how do I convince my better half that a 1200lb piece of resource intensive equipment is a wise acquisition for a fickle bitch like me?


Thanks in advance,


Wednesday, December 01, 2010


Everyone knows a trust-fund crusty, amiright? This everso poignant drawing, by the inimitable Brendan Donnelly.

Monday, November 29, 2010


This girl is slaying me with her talent! Katrin and I may have a little somethin' somethin' in the works in the not-too-distant future. Here I go again... making promises I can't keep...

Sunday, November 28, 2010

SHHH: Part Deux

voice activated shhh lamps by michael savona

It would appear that you have a lot of secrets. 
Stop carrying the weight of the world around.
Deposit an anonymous comment here, again.

Saturday, November 27, 2010

Spot on

Dinner Convos

MIL:  We're Tea Party!!
FIL:  Still don't know what "teabaggers" means though...
ME:  *chuckle*snicker*snort*
R:  Do you really want to know?
FIL:  Yeah, tell us!
ME:  *chuckle*snicker*snort*
R:  It's essentially when you dip your testicles into someones a tea bag...
FIL:  Well, that's not a very nice thing to call people.

Friday, November 19, 2010

Give me that shirt, asshole!

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

The Elusive Jellyfish Nebula // Book in Hand

"The universe is a big place, 
perhaps the biggest. " 
-Kurt Vonnegut

oh, ps. don't forget to readtheprintedword


I have pink eye.
And it looks. nothing. like. this.

...and strep! 

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Top 10 Essentials Guide

The season's hottest must haves!
Get 'em before they're gone!

Sunday, November 14, 2010


It's Sunday night... here's something to fill your gaping void:

Mmmm... void.

"...a video or whatever you'd like."

May I tell you a little about R's dad's old friend, Bob, who lives in Alaska?

He wears Terry Richardson glasses, but sincerely.
His closet (I'd imagine) consists of an array of plaid snappy button western shirts, filled with pocket protectors, but sincerely.

His hair looks like a tuft of white wispy cotton candy.
He pushes up his glasses with his finger, fork in hand, while intently telling you a tale.

He's an archaeologist who loves genealogy; gave R lots of rocks, gems, and dinosaur bits as a kid.
His 95 year old mother, Blanche, is is best friend.

He never forgets a birthday nor anniversary.
He still insists on sending $20 checks, which we feel bad about cashing, but is like, the cutest thing ever, right?

Here's my favorite part of the card that accompanied this year's check. It makes my heart explode.

Saturday, November 13, 2010

What's for dinner?

Wash it down with some unicorn tears. 

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Best Idea or Worst Idea?

A permanent tattoo of a Chanel temporary tattoo.

Things that I will not soon forget:
  • The kindness and generosity you've shown me
  • The Heaven's Gate suicide; was eating Spaghetti O's in my friend Gina's kitchen
  • The good times we've had

Monday, November 08, 2010

Sunday, November 07, 2010


"Fiction is an empathy technology."
-Steven Pinker

collage by Lidy Jacobs

Saturday, November 06, 2010

Eye candy

Before I was called into get 10 glaucoma puffs shot into each eye because I kept flinching... 

Lenscrafter sales dudie who looked like the weird British Office/Extras Guy: What kind of glasses are you looking for?
Me: I don't know if I need glasses yet.

After I was called into get 10 glaucoma puffs shot into each eye because I kept flinching...

Lenscrafter sales dudie who looked like the weird British Office/Extras Guy:  So, do you need glasses?
Me: Dr. said they're optional.
Lenscrafter sales dudie who looked like the weird British Office/Extras Guy: Well, do you OPT to get them?

ps. I'd OPT to get these Prisms in a  heartbeat!
pps. Listened to Jerky Boys before appt.

Friday, November 05, 2010


Garsh Nabbit! I received the most thoughtful little treats in the mail the other day. Gaaaaaaaaaaaahgeous MEH cards from Ms. Richele. And you know, I love a good "meh."

Mmmm... so personal and warm and fuzzy. I feel so fortunate.

Get yours now before they all vanish into thin air.

Wednesday, November 03, 2010


Things I Didn't Know/Never Thought About: Brussels Sprouts Edition
  1. Neanderthals likely didn't like them
  2. Plural on the Brussels part-- I had always said "Brussel sprouts" (It reminds me of how I used to misappropriate the "s" by saying "Look likes" instead of "Looks like"-- Also, what a cruel cruel vegetable for someone with a lisp! "Brutthelthh Thprouthh"...but I digress)
  3. They grow on a motherfucking crazy stalk 
  4. If you coat them in olive oil, freshly grated pepper, and enough salt to preserve a corpse, and forget that they are roasting in the oven, the outside layers taste a lot like potato chips!

Sunday, October 31, 2010

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Night at the Opera

More treasures, uncovered.

My dad's mom's sister and her family. 
She's tiny, feisty, and blind as a bat.
She wears wigs and blue eyeshadow.
She'll force feed you if you're not careful.
She lives on the 38th floor on Canal Street with her adult son (R).

The view from her window stretches all the way up to Central Park.
The same plastic from my childhood envelops her furniture.
It's yellowed over the decades and some corners have tears.
Her wedding photos hang on the sparse white walls.
Kleenex boxes and miscellany clutter the surfaces.

Last year, she turned 90 years old.
I asked her if she was going to have a big party and birthday cake.
She said no to the latter; the last time was over twenty years ago.
Her birthday cake had killed her diabetic husband (L).
She hasn't touched a stitch of cake since.


Monday, October 18, 2010

Shopbop Giveaway // Wang

I like things that look like other things. Like this Alexander Wang spiral notebook clutch, for example. 

Please leave a comment (w/your contact info) below if you'd like to win a $100 gift certificate.

A winner will be selected at random on Halloween...spooky! What are you going to be for Halloween?

 more clutches  //  designer hobos  //  lamb bags  //  shopbop sale

Tuesday, October 05, 2010

Likes: Consumption Edition

Life's littlest luxuries:
  • drinking through straws, even though it gives you sphincter lips
  • eating fast food on china with silverware
  • leaving the last sip of orange juice
  • using (Bounty) paper towels for napkins
  • drinking straight from the bottle
  • making ice cubes in a tray
  • mixing savories and sweets
  • crinkling the plastic on individually wrapped slices of cheese
  • eating the entire package of something (anything!)
  • drinking non-alcoholic beverages from wine glasses / champagne flutes / mint julep cups
  • finding the crispy transparent french fry 
  • balling up the red wax on baby bells
  • lifting the bowl of cereal milk to your lips
  • eating in bed (shhh!)

Do you have any weird eating habits/likes?

Monday, October 04, 2010

Unbearable Lightness of Being

These made my heart soar. 

Saturday, October 02, 2010

Emotional Eating


I've been known to eat a feeling or two.

celia & ignant for 2nd photo