Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Murderer

I'm posting dancing bear again for several reasons:
  1. I tend to flail my arms like that when I'm flustered
  2. It makes me happy
  3. I need to be happy right now
  4. I spent the past two hours wearing a leopard bubble trench in a hysterical wailing fit BECAUSE I RAN OVER AND KILLED A  FUCKING DOG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
FUCK. And I thought my drive home yesterday was eventful. I'm just so unbelievably sad right now. Left work late, the sky was dusty blue-black by the time I was a couple blocks from home. To say my neighborhood is unsavory may be an understatement. It's the highest crime area in Phoenix. There are shootings on the regs and no sidewalks. 

Driving down the dark street, all of a sudden a small white stray appeared right in front of me and froze in my headlights. There were oncoming vehicles to the left and cars behind me. It all happened so fast, I couldn't swerve nor slam on my brakes. All I could do was honk my horn and plow right over the little buddy. PLUNK, SQUISH, CRUNCH.

I wanted to pass out right in front of the wheel. I flailed my arms. Then, my hands were glued over my mouth. I called my husband thousands of miles away. I drove to my mom's house. I laid in her lap. I cried uncontrollably. I took off my work clothes. I hyperventilated a fish taco and two handfuls of potato chips. I cried some more. I put on the new HSN leopard trench she ordered for me. I wailed some more. I couldn't look at my dog. I buried my face in my dad's shoulder. I dried out. I drove home. I cried in my bed. I got it together a little. I dug into my stash of anti-anxiety medication that I keep for recreational purposes. I lost it again when I had to take the trash out and noticed the grill of my car looked pushed in underneath. I howled in the driveway. I cracked open a beer. I am medicated. I wrote this post.

THIS IS THE WORST DAY EVER. 
Thanks for listening. 

25 comments:

  1. Omfg. I teared up.
    This is a horrible thing to happen/go through/ feel & hear/to recover from.
    I'm sorry you went through this.
    And I'm REALLY sorry for the wildly inapprope LOL cats.

    I love you.

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  2. I love you, too. The absurdity made me smile for the first time tonight.

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  3. oh geezus, I am so sorry you experienced that...how horrible. Maybe the dog had painful terminal cancer and you did him justice. its possible.

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  4. Oh jeez. Sounds like you handled it like a real champ/compassionate awesome person.

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  5. i hit a cat when i was 16, it was the worst. i am so sorry. xoxo.

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  6. UGH! I wondered what your tweet was about. :(
    That sucks. I remember when I was driving home late one night when I still lived at my parents and a cat out of NOWHERE literally jumped from the woods on the side of the road right into my right wheel. I was in shock. I looked in my rearview mirror and saw the cat running off to the other side of the road. Well, I got home and was so stressed about it that my dad and I drove back to where I hit it and unfortunately found it dead on the other side of the road. That feeling SUCKS. I encountered a juvenile great horned owl smack in the middle of the road this morning at 5:15 and he wouldn’t move! Fortunately, the road didn’t have any other traffic and I was driving slowly so I swerved around him. I flipped a U-ey and drove back and he was still there, so I turned my car toward him, stopped and honked the horn quickly two times, and thankfully the little guy took off after I did that.
    Hope you’re doing better today!

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  7. no no no!!!!!!!! aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh :( so traumatic -- I am so sorry!

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  8. oh lady.

    my friend and i saw an unleashed dog get hit four years ago and the memory is still vivid.

    we felt like it was our fault for not running out into traffic in time to save it. and then we had to watch the little girl who owned the dog rock it in her arms crying "no vaya. no vaya." ("don't go.")

    but it was her motherfucking parents' fault for not training/leashing the poor thing.

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  9. ahh i'm so so so sorry! ='[ that sounds like the WORST thing ever. akdhfalfdjsf feel better, yeah???

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  10. Aw, that's awful to have to go through. I rarely ever drive, but back in high school I hit a white rabbit once and I can still remember how fucking awful I felt. Feel better. xo

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  11. awwwww i'm so so so so so so sorry.

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  12. this is heartbreaking. i would have reacted EXACTLY the same way... i hit a groundhog on the interstate in high school + didn't recover for a week. i can't imagine how you must've felt.

    you're not a murderer. aaaaaaaaand i love ya.

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  13. Oh holy shitballs, that is a bad, bad day. I'm so sorry. The dancing bear WILL make it better. It just takes an entire six pack before it starts working. xoxox

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  14. this and east side brides comment give me flailing hands too.

    i understand how you felt. i once hit a guy on a bicycle while driving the old vw bug. there he went over the roof and the rear. he got up, picked up his bicycle, and rode away.

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  15. Oh, friend. Life and death are only as sacred as we treat them, and you've done admirably.

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  16. I would have a real real hard time running over a dog too. I'm not too sure about cats though. My high school drive's ed teacher lost his girlfriend because she tried to avoid hitting a dog. I'm glad you you kept control of your driving and was safe.

    Someone must have been heart broken over that little dog. I felt for the owner of every flattened pet I saw since I started owning one. I have a little Chi like you.

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  17. reading this just ruined my night

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  18. Thank you guys. You make me feel better.

    (((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))

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  19. If I were that doggie, I would be so glad I had had the good sense to wander in front of someone who would remember me and say some final words and call me a little buddy after I had gone. And I would be so sorry the fates chose you. And I would know there was nothing you could have done.

    Thank you for remembering the little buddy to us. I am so sorry the fates chose you. There was nothing you could have done.

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  20. I am so sorry
    Thats the worst thing
    ..but he is in doggy heaven running around with his mates
    I know this for sure :-)
    xxx

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  21. Oh dear god, how awful. I'm so sorry.

    xxx

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  22. Oh My God. I'm so sorry. I cried while reading this. I'm sending your present today! Maybe you will like it and it will make you feel better...

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  23. ugh! That's horrible. I'm so sorry! Although, I do find it super glamorous that all your grieving was done while wearing a leopard trench coat that your mom got you. I love it.

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The divine PB&J in me, salutes the divine PB&J in you.