Friday, April 30, 2010

An Open Letter to Jamie Oliver

Dear Jamie,

Your charmingly* doughy disposition makes me question the validity of your healthy eating techniques.


ps. you were a total creeper to those high school girls in that one epi.

*prob only 'cause you're British

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Monday, April 26, 2010


The plastic tarp overhead drenched everything in a blue hue, except for her mood. They got custom ghetto pinky signet rings at the Park 'N' Swap to commemorate their lurve. "It's a good thing I shaved my knuckles today," she thought to herself.  

...and the internets collide...

Couldn't stop squashing this tiny ball of sweetness all last week. 
She was a good sport & put up with it.
Lucky, lucky.

I'm Revolting next to her.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

"Anything worth doing 
is worth overdoing."
-Mick Jagger

I ♥ shoddy advice
[giving & receiving]

Face lift

...because everything needs some rejuvenation now & again.

(hope i don't get sued by bolly)

Thursday, April 22, 2010

illustration by yours truly
neologism by hard liquor, soft holes 

And so it goes...

Dad was trying to help and used Palmolive hand dish soap in the dishwasher. Foam Party, USA.

Mom has been using fabric Downy softener for the past few months, mistaking it for laundry detergent. Soft-yet-crusty-underwear City, USA.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010


ACK! BBQ/pool par-tay season totally crept up on me this year. This bag of bones is nowhere ready for public consumption. The winter hooves, the bloat, the ingrown hairs, the bacne, the extra padding... the sheer horror of it all!

Some serious maintenance and a one piece procurement needs to happen within the next 3 days!

Monday, April 19, 2010

Self Censoring

Hate to be a goddamn prude, but 
a tit bit worried about getting flagged.

This betty matches W&M perfectly!
Dearmadilloed version here.


I'm not really accustomed to calling women "betties" 
(or women "women" for that matter) 
I blame Miles for the vernacular.

Anyhow, not against nippage, per se. 
I've been known to sprinkle some in here and there.

Nips as a side dish, ok.
But this bitch is just servin' it up, main course style.

They're SO tiny not like it even matters!

The End

I just discovered the calligraphy brush in Photoshop.
Blasphemous, I know. I'm sorry.
Here's a quote that I find myself saying often [to myself in the mirror].
bloody mary wool & misc
How does one spell true love?

I'm not exactly sure, but I'm fairly certain that there's beef jerky & pretzel sticks involved somewhere.

Courtesy of the bloody mary bar at Hollywood Alley.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Saturday, April 17, 2010

the dive

your whiskers
scratching my once young flesh;
the summer night's air
encapsulating our once young love

Thursday, April 15, 2010

A sudden jolt of sweetness!

In other news, we've been invited to a Kentucky Derby themed charity event. Helloooo hats & juleps! But, WTF do I wear?!?!?

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Hot Stars in the Rosette Nebula // Dries

Hope Tuesday is treating you well. 
I feel like I could just sleep for light years.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Banner Day

I made this to help you celebrate your utter lack of enthusiasm.

Available in the freshly launched Pour Porter shop!
ps. They have HASBEENS

Friday, April 09, 2010

Sundown Showdown

♥ TCT reunion Saturday night!
X Corporate Finance final exam


I just bought this shirt. I'm fairly certain it's the best $24 I've ever spent. I can't even describe how happy I am right now. I've been dreaming about it ever since I first fell in lurve with Keyboard Cat. Finally, a year late, but better than never! Also, totally AWESOME to be sporting an irrelevant viral video, no? I don't care. He's timeless to me.

Thursday, April 08, 2010

Black as midnight on a moonless night

Happy 20th Anniversary, Twin Peaks!
Thanks for all the creepy times.

Mind-blowing embroidery by the amazingly talented Jennifer Andrews

Wednesday, April 07, 2010

Tuesday, April 06, 2010

"That's the $575,468.88 question..."

A sneak peek at the bullslush that fills my brain when I should be writing a final case paper for my Finance 502 class. But, hey, this counts, right? It has numbers and dollar signs in it!

Monday, April 05, 2010

Summer Reading List Thus Far:

UPDATE 6/15/10:

Sunday, April 04, 2010


"Don't look forward to the day you stop suffering, because when it comes you'll know you're dead." 
-Tennessee Williams 

Friday, April 02, 2010

Life Lessons

When I was twelve, I had this Keith Haring journal. It was white and had his signature multi-colored dancing men all over it. I'd scribble all of my exploits in it. ALL OF THEM. I wrote about the sneaking out, the smoking, the drinking, the drugs, and the boys...oh the boys. Every. torrid. little detail. 

One day, I went skittering off to a friends house and then suddenly felt this sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.

Did I stuff my diary back in between my mattress? (how original) 
Yeah, I must have, no worries...

I didn't. I'd accidentally left it out. My mother found it. *GASP* She read it. Every. torrid. little detail. I came home and her face was white, null. She called me into my room and I spotted it, there, in her clutches. 

"FUCKING TRAITOR! I can't believe you told her all of my secrets!" I shrieked in my head.

She broke down in tears and told me how she couldn't believe how I could've turned out to be such a bad kid. The watering continued as she told me how she couldn't believe how she could've turned out to be such a bad mother. 

I started bawling, too. I just tucked up into her side and apologized profusely while begging for forgiveness. I said I was so so so sorry and promised to be good. 

After we dried out and she assured me that she still loved me, she told me that I was stupid and if I was going to do bad stuff, then I should NEVER WRITE IT DOWN.

A great life lesson. Don't self incriminate by leaving a paper trail. 

After the incident, I ripped the diary to shreds with my bare hands and flushed it down the toilet. That was the day my mother became my best friend. We lived happily ever after. Part of me wishes that I still had it. It would've made for such a good read now-a-day.


Words can't express how proud I am of my friend, N. She's a fascinating, brave lady who is takin' a chance, followin' her dreams, & makin' shit happen. (I be droppin' G's like Sarah Palin!) A true inspiration. Happiest of birthdays to you! ♥

The Pour Porter shop launches in a few weeks. I hope you'll "pop on in" and check it out. You can follow along on Twitter for updates.

ps. remember this? PP+W&M = fun times
pps. more to come!

Thursday, April 01, 2010


Word of the Day for 

Thursday, April 1, 2010

hugger-mugger \HUH-guhr-muh-guhr\, noun:
1. A disorderly jumble; muddle; confusion.
2. Secrecy; concealment.

1. Confused; muddled; disorderly.
2. Secret.

1. In a muddle or confusion.
2. Secretly.

transitive verb:
1. To keep secret.

intransitive verb:
1. To act in a secretive manner.

Totally loving today's word. Let's make sentences!