Saturday, December 31, 2011

MMXI

I did not take up smoking in 2011.
via
Happy new year.
 

Friday, December 30, 2011

Phantom Surfers Alphabet

About time to fuck
'Bout time to fuck some more
Crisco party
Diaper pussy
Electric dick
Furry little pussy balls
Grafenberg spot
Hambone bush job
I like to fuck
Jack me off (Jill me off)
King Kong ball sack stretched out from teabagging
Long Dong Silver
Mangina
Now lick it clean
Oysters and ass
P-p-p-poontang
Quick fuck in the confessional
Retroactive fuck
Stickpussy
Tapioca hard sticks from hell
U better go get tested
Vegetarian cock
We're a sexy bunch of bastards, aren't we? (hell no!)
Xcuses for premature ejaculation
Y because we like you
Zombie pussy

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

D&DDYTS

 
A dark and dismal downward YouTube spiral. Have you experienced this phenomena where you're looking at something innocuous, then only to realize you've Hansel and Greteled yourself into a dark dark place? Ever been bamboozled by that siren of a "Recommended Videos" sidebar?


Here's a roadmap to my most recent D&DDYTS:


Shit Girls Say Episode 3 [hypnotized by Juliette Lewis' plastic surgery] → Botox Injections → Juvaderm Lip Filler Injections → Breast Lift Surgery → Labiaplasty → Natural Unmedicated Birth

Does this happen to you? What's your worst experience?

Friday, December 23, 2011

W5: Pillars of Star Formation // Paths Crossed


“Unfortunately, the clock is ticking, the hours are going by. The past increases, the future recedes. Possibilities decreasing, regrets mounting.” 
 - Haruki Murakami, Dance Dance Dance


Sunday, December 18, 2011

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Glossophobia


PUBLIC SPEAKING = GULP! PANT, PANT, PANT! GULLLP!!
PUBLIC SPEAKING IN MANDARIN = VOM CITY, U.S.A!!

Friday, December 09, 2011

The Almighty Spongester Challenge

My little buddy
ZEE BACKSTORY:
I first learned about Spongster when they followed me on Twitter. After seeing a few hilarious tweets, I clicked through only to discover the product of my dreams. If you know me at all, you know that I love a good dry sponge


My problem before was that I had a single sponge caddy with shitty suction cups. My Good Sponge was dry as a bone, but my Evil Sponge was left to fester and flop about the sink. So, alas, I bought a Spongester and it makes me happy every time I see it. Best buy of 2011, hands down.


[This is not a sponsored post. I only wish to spread the gospel of Spongester. The Creator has generously obliged to host a contest & giveaway on W&M.] 


ZEE RULES:
To win your own Spongster and possibly have your words put into production, alls you have to do is leave a comment with creative names for the "Good Sponge"/"Evil Sponge" shelves and your contact information. 

No guarantee, but the winning entry could be put into production! Isn't that exciting? Your brain nuggets physically residing in strangers homes all over the world. The winner will be chosen by Spongester and announced on January 15th.  
ZEE FINE PRINT:
All entries are for entertainment purposes only. Any submitted names could be used on a Spongester in a commercial production. By submitting a suggested name or improvement, the contestant agrees to forfeit any claim to royalty, ownership,intelectual property, invention, trademark, copyright  or other restrictions for the use of the name.


...OR if these terms freak you out, get your own here.

Sunday, December 04, 2011

Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Desultory Delights: No. 10 Video Edition


I drafted the first part of this post a couple of weeks ago. Since then, I got to film MY VERY OWN JAPANESE CAT VIDEO! 

While strolling around Shinjuku looking for a Mister Donut to kill a couple hours before meeting our friend Yuki, I was tempted by a girl holding a large placard plastered with adooooooooooooorable cat photos. I spontaneously dragged Ryan and Makito up the stairs and into the Calico Cat Cafe. This is some bucket list shit right here. 

 

(GAWD, is there anything worse than hearing your own voice on a recording?! Plz don't judge.)

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

IC 59 & 63 in Cassiopeia // ADR


“I either want less corruption, 
or more chance to participate in it.”
-Ashleigh Brilliant

Monday, November 14, 2011

Push/Pull



Things that make me want to paint again:
via


maira kalman
Things that don't make me want to paint again:

-Failure
-Lack of follow through
-Buying new paints/brushes
-Unearthing my easel from the garage

That said, I think I should.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Holiday Gift Guide 2011

Because last year's gift guide was such a success:

Vices



My G+ Sparks list:


The latest issue of Vice (pp.70-87):

Tuesday, November 08, 2011


Last year of my twenties. Time to fuck shit up!

transvestite and her birthday cake by diane arbus

Sunday, November 06, 2011

MMMJ




How meta would it be if Marc Jacobs got a Muscle Man Marc tattoo?


UPDATE 11/08/11:


“That was probably the greatest honor of my entire life so far. I am the Muscle Man Marc doll on South Park, and I joined the very great ranks of being one of Cartman’s toys — although I get boiled to death at the end of the episode,” he gushed. “I think [South Parkcreators] Matt and Trey are just probably the two most brilliant people in the entire world, and it is definitely my favorite program on TV ... I have two of Cartman’s toys tattooed, one on each forearm — Clyde Frog and the other one is Rumpletumskin.”


“That’ll be my next tattoo, the Muscle Man Marc from South Park,” he said.  [source]


UPDATE 11/16/11:
via SGCNYC


Excuse me while I clean my brains off of the wall behind me.

photo.01

Thursday, November 03, 2011

Fuck Diptyque


AMIRIGHT?????

"White Castle has teamed up with Laura Slatkin, often called the "queen" of home fragrances, to introduce a candle with the steam-grilled-on-a-bed-of-onions scent of America's first fast-food hamburger. Packaged in a ceramic holder that reproduces the signature cardboard sleeve of the White Castle Slyder. Net proceeds donated to support Autism Speaks."

Wednesday, November 02, 2011

Odd Couple


PROLOGUE
Him: A tallish lad with dark hair that's short on the slides and fashioned in a non-ironic comb-over. Plastic rimmed glasses, black. T-shirt, red.
Her: An average sized gal with mousy brown, slightly frizzing triangle hair. Hooded sweatshirt, white.
Them: Nondescript blue jeans and flat shoes, sneakers maybe. Youngish, no older than 33, I'd say.
Me: A smallish framed woman with dark straight hair parted down the middle, a little bloated. Cat eye sunglasses, black. Wrap dress clamped shut by crossed legs, grey.

ACT ONE
Them: Walking Easterly by for the first time.
Me: Eating a salad laden with fried chicken, and a side of fried pickles, looks up at Them.
Him: Comb over blowing in the wind. Looking stoic. Good posture.
Me: Thinking, "How sad! Youngish hipstery kid with a non-ironic comb-over. Poor buddy."
Her: Walking close, left arm reaching up to place her left hand on his right shoulder.
Them: Silent.

ACT TWO
Them: Walking Westerly by me same her-hand-on-his-shoulder formation.
Me: Looking up from my John Waters book, thinking, "How strange."

ACT THREE
Them: Walking Westerly by me again!
Me: "When did they walk back by?!? I missed it! What weirdos!"
Her: Walking briskly three steps in front of him, arms crossed.
Him: Semi-trying to catch up with her.
Them: Still silent.

DENOUEMENT
Me: Still watching. Wondering what possibly could have transpired during their silent back and forth pacing.
Him: Catches up to her and puts his arm around her.
Her: Arms still crossed trying to pull away.
Him: Arm now around her neck.
Her: Leaning into his chest as if in a headlock.
Him: Rubbing her back. Slowly migrating his hand to her ass.

Monday, October 31, 2011

Ghost of the Cepheus Flare // Blown Away

"An idea, 
like a ghost, 
must be 
spoken to a little 
before it will 
explain itself."
-Charles Dickens


Dog Day Afternoon





Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Daddy Issues


On the way home from a fun filled jaunt to SF for the weekend, we stop by my parents house Sunday night to collect the doggin. My mom is standing at the garage door in her underwear and no makeup, shoving Bella into my arms. 

"We'refine!Don'tneedtocomeup,Everything'sgreat!Didyouguyshavefun?Youmustbetired!Goodnight!" and sweeps us out the garage. I didn't even need to know how to spot a liar to know that she was up to no good.

Driving home, R and I joke about how she probably wouldn't even tell us if my dad (who had been under the weather for a couple of weeks) died, then referenced the episode of Curb where LD's mom passed away and his dad didn't tell him because he didn't want to "bother him."

Monday morning I dropped by before work to bring her a present from our trip. Something seemed off when I walked in. I opened the door to their bedroom and my dad's side of the bed was pristine.

"Where's dad..." I said, a little taken aback by the thunking seriousness of my voice.

"He's at the hospital," she said, bleary eyed, propping herself up.

"SINCE WHEN?"

"Sunday morning," she yawned and stretched, "We didn't want you to worry!" 

I guess it's not so funny when she's doing it to you.


*      *      *


Room 246. I'm afraid of what I might find when I push back the heavy wooden door. He looks worse than I had imagined. Small, frail (obviously, right? who looks strong and healthy in a hospital bed?) trapped in a web of tangled tubes that resemble the backside of a computer desk. 

Oxygen tubes wrap around his face that seems more bespeckled with liver spots than usual, or could've been the haaaarible lighting in there. IV bags hover above like pregnant translucent vultures. He turns to look at me.

Seeing him like this only made me think of the time when I was seven and ran over his big toe with my new pink scooter with chubby clumsy white tires. His toenail eventually turned black and fell off, but he wasn't mad at me. I smiled at him while choking back some tears, while knowing that my red nose is probably a dead giveaway. 

"Hey, Dad!" I said, a little taken aback by the upbeat steadiness of my voice.


photo by sally mann

Monday, October 17, 2011

Slice of Heaven


via No clue who this dude is, but great quote nonetheless.

Pizzeria Bianco tomorrow night!



Personal & the Pizzas Friday night in SF!

InVESTment


I want this jacket! 'Cept for I don't know Gucci Mane from shinola. 

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Meowsers!

I'm so enamored with Jen Lee's pet portrait tattoos. She can really capture the spirit and personality of each animal.



Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Friday, October 07, 2011

We All Have Wants


Now, I will always and forever be a Ramones girl, but October, October belongs to the Misfits.