Wednesday, March 09, 2011


 mumsy + auntie

My aunt died today.

My mom found her at four in the morning, not breathing. I swear, my mom is THE strongest person I know. Nerves of steel, that one. She called hospice, made all the arrangements. They came and took my aunt's tiny little body away. She's being donated to science to study the effects of Alzheimer's.

Apparently, my dad slept through the entire fucking hoopla. When he awoke, my mom (the silly thing that she is) asked him to "go check on Han-Bin for me to see if she's still breathing." He opened the door to the bedroom to find everything packed up and gone.

What a kidder. I love her. Sick, twisted, lovely. 

When I was over there last night, I said goodbye to my aunt. I touched her bony shoulder while she sucked in air through an oxygen machine. I whispered "Wheel of Fortune" to her one last time. I guess I had a premonition.

What's most distressing is the fact that I cried during Gossip Girl tonight, but not at her passing. Does that make me a horrible person? Wait... don't answer that. I'm sorry. I know better than to ask questions that I can't afford to know the answers to. 

But in my defense, she's been gone a long time now.


  1. I'm sorry for your loss. But you know... you probably did cry for her during Gossip Girl even though it wasn't directly because of her, consciously. <3

  2. Mourning isn't something that is triggered at the time of the event. Like you said, it's benen a long 2 years... I have no doubt that you've been feeling something akin to grief in that time. You're only human, and I'm very sorry.

  3. * sorry about your aunt's death, not that you are human.

  4. Is it equally horrible that through this story I'm chuckling at your mom's humor? Focus on the positive right?

    Sending you millions of tiny little ♡s now. You should be feeling them in 3, 2, 1........

  5. jayne, thank you! laughter is the best medicine!

    ps. howdja make those little hollow hearts? i feeeeeeel them.

  6. You are one of the best persons, Gracie. THE BEST.

  7. I hope that wherever she is now, your aunt is watching Wheel of Fortune and lots of people are landing on bankrupt!

    You are definitely not a horrible person. I know your aunt would have appreciated the time you spent cooking for her and eating cheeseburgers with her!


  8. I'm so sorry, Gracie. Lots of love to you.

  9. My deep sympathy to you + yours.

  10. My biggest love to you. Alzheimers is a bitch.xx

  11. Both my grandmothers suffer from Alzheimer's. Sometimes it's both painful and funny, especially since one of my grandmothers has become very outspoken and no-holds-barred since her diagnosis, and I find that I *now* like her even more.

    I'm so sorry for your loss. You're not a horrible person.

  12. that's a great photo of them. it IS hard to to mourn "appropriately" when someone has been gone for a long time but has remained alive. i had the same experience with a great-grandmother.

  13. I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you and your family are together and celebrating the life of your very loved Aunt.


  14. I loved your Wheel of Fortune post. I'm sure your aunt felt your love and respect for her, even at the end of her life when she's wasn't lucid. I send you a big hug. xo

  15. Grief is a funny thing...crying at oddly irrational times is perfectly normal in its context.

    Your mom is amazing (and I too can appreciate the humor).

    My condolences for your loss.

  16. I'm sorry for you loss. I lost a close friend 2 weeks ago, it still doesn't seem real to me. Your mom sounds awesome, though.

  17. Thank you, Taylor. I'm also very sorry to hear about your friend. It's shocking and sad when they're young.

    Hi, InnyVinny! Grief is funny. But I usually cry when I'm watching gossip girl, or rub one out. Mmmm.. LonelyBoy.

    P, thank you for letting me post that on the hallowed pages of WPM. And thanks for the hug! Hope you had a great birthday!

    Hi Ashley, ummm, something like that. Kind of a sad story when people are relieved that you're dead.


    Elissa, that is soooo funny! Totally her version of heaven, if there were such a silly thing. xoxo

    cevd, your thoughtfulness never ceases.

    Dear Amanda, I'm not sorry, but thank you for the thoughts. I love you, too.

    Thanks, Stephanie! You're so kind (and generous).

    Peonies, thank you. I'm feeling very loved and like I don't deserve it, but I'll never turn away free love.

    Don't be, Noel! :)

    Kat, YOU'RE @RAZMATAZZY! Slow on the uptake. Hello over here! Your grandma sounds amazing and fun to be around.

    Jamie, thanks momma <3

    B, mumsy's so Brady Bunch, eh? Time is not kind. Very true. It seems empty.

    wool and misc, I KNOW, RIGHT?!!? You are one lucky bitch.

  18. I'm so sorry about your aunt. I know people have already said this but it totally doesn't make you a terrible person to have cried at GG and not at her passing, I think a lot of people (like myself) are like that. I will cry at commercials and be totally dry-eyed when something awful happens in my actual life. We can't both be horrible people, right? As everyone else said, you are awesome. Again, I'm really really sorry that your aunt has passed and I am sending my thoughts to you and your family.

  19. Had a busy week, not much blog reading/commenting, so I'm a bit late but sending you and your family deep condolences. It is great to hear how strong your mom is, and I sense your strength here too.

  20. I love that your family has the same dark sense of humor as my own. Sometimes you just have to make a joke to bring in the light. Sorry for your loss but glad you're able to write about it and share. Hugs.

  21. Thank you, MWK!

    ESB, <3 back at you.

    WPZ, thanks... she's really amazing. i'm a coward.

    etoilee8, hello, welcome, and thank you! xxoo

  22. wheel. of. fortune ! speaking of fortune, how tremendously blessed your aunt was to have such a loving family. :-) hang in there.

  23. thirtieth!

    i write your name on my notebook, gracie o.

  24. You crying during Gossip Girl was your way of crying over her passing. There's a connection somewhere in there. I'm sorry for your loss <3

  25. My aunt passed last week as well. I'm sending you a giant internet hug!


The divine PB&J in me, salutes the divine PB&J in you.