Tuesday, August 30, 2011

North America Nebula // Fragrant Smoke

"Yeah you can kiss the ring, 
but you can never touch the crown

I smoke a million Swisher blunts 
and I ain't never coming down."

Thursday, August 25, 2011


For those of you who don't give a shit if the world knows you're a pill popping bitch, I salute you (& Cast of Vices). 

via the brilliant Richie Designs, my drug dealer* 
*my drug is stationary

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Tinned Fear

I'm fairly certain that I'd be a gazillionaire if I could can and sell the unlimited Vague Sense of Unease that courses through my veins.

Some recent examples: 
  • Did I unplug the iron after I pressed my hem whilst wearing my dress? 
  • Did I remember to brush my teeth this morning?
  • What do I want to be when I grow up?

Wednesday, August 17, 2011


David Shrigley 2007

I often lament about what happens to all of this when I finally leave this earth to greet my 40 virgins in heaven. Apparently, TED has been too. In his lecture, Adam Ostrow wonders if your online personality could live on, long past your expiration date.

Through that, I found That Can Be My Next Tweet, a site that generates your future tweets based on existing ones. You guys, it's SO. MUCH. FUN. Here's a smattering of a few that popped up for mine.

I'm dead. Come And I'm finally an ear infuction. This tweet for the iPhone V. I improvised with a given.

Just got lectured by bringing Freja Beha photos to an unsuspecting grad student : quitters never prosper.


There's poop on your hair appointment. xoxo, You/Me.

Prada or symposium? Thanks for disappointment by my day! Pacman, I'm avidly responding to cut down to be!

Playing Words with some hot perm action: +1 I sound like a glove box maxi pad.

NOM! <3 this butt hutt. Gag me tweet because he had a funk. Hello, handsome! Happy birthday, Joy!

Spilled coffee on G+. I don't own any, but I'm Jewish!

&hearts; but now I don't already have one... Is it feels EXACTLY like hot jizz. The HIGHLINE! YOUR DAD.

I want to work on my day! Pacman, I'm for the fun/nasty stuff on W&M. I'm avidly responding to your new!

There's poop on My new headsuit, leatha hi tops, & it in that they are OK!

Take it for a whirl, and if you get some gems, please humor me and put them in the comments below!


click photos to biggify

Knock Knock Self-Inking Stamps, oh how I love & covet thee.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011


"June, 1956: Co-founder of Hewlett-Packard, Bill Hewlett, writes to then-Provost at Stanford and the man widely considered to be one of the "Fathers of Silicon Valley," Fred Terman, "I have no personal knowledge of computers nor does anyone in our organization have any appreciable knowledge."

Terman was a member of the US Army Signal Corps' advisory board at the time, and when asked by the army how best to acquire a computer for research purposes, he naturally turned to Hewlett — one of his former students — for assistance. Unfortunately, HP were then immersed in the world of electronic test equipment and, as such, had very little knowledge of a product from which they would eventually make huge profits; hence this reply. 10 years later, they introduced one of the world's first 16-bit minicomputers: the HP-2116A."

June 13, 1956

Dr. F. E. Terman
Office of the Provost
Stanford University
Stanford, California

Dear Fred:

I have no personal knowledge of computers nor does anyone in our organization have any appreciable knowledge.

Sorry we can't help you out in this regard.

Sincerely yours,

(Signed, 'Bill')

William R. Hewlett


Thursday, August 11, 2011

Missoni x Target

A bike ride, then a nap.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

"You have a problem with the science of Hot Tub Time Machine?"

How come no one ever told me what a fucking great movie, no film Hot Tub Time Machine is?! :(  Crispin Glover, Carter Baizen, CUSACK!

I'm sorry. That's not fair. I shouldn't project. The only one I have to blame is myself. Oh well, better late than never.

I love you. Let's not fight.

Tuesday, August 09, 2011

Searchy Searchersons

Guys, please forgive me if this is presumptuous, but I think I may have the best keyword searches ever. I mean, I'm sure yours are fine and good and all, but check some of these sweet honeys out:
  • small cunt
  • iggy pop nude
  • tracy morgan belly
  • ann margret nipple
  • hot men with chihuahuas
  • gay men knee socks short pants
  • puffy assholes (#1 of About 11,400,000 results!) 
  • life is a series of commas not periods (a McConaughey quote)
  • crackwhore monthly (#1 of About 167,000 results!)
  • naked women and naked asses and boobs
  • black as midnight on a moonless night
  • הרפס לתינוק (Hebrew for herpes baby)
  • diamond encrusted teeth
  • ambien side effects
  • david lynch haircut
  • jaw wired shut
  • possum poop
  • shut in
Do you ever look at your keyword analyses? My drug of choice is StatCounter.com. 

Monday, August 08, 2011


"In Taiwan, Father's Day is not an official holiday, but is widely observed on August 8, the eighth day of the eighth month of the year. In Mandarin Chinese, the pronunciation of the number 8 is . This pronunciation is very similar to the character "爸" "bà", which means "Papa" or "father". The Taiwanese, therefore, usually call August 8 by its nickname, "Bābā Holiday" (爸爸節)."

Thursday, August 04, 2011

Imaginary Interview

"Well, I wouldn't really call myself a tastemaker, but..."
"I wouldn't either."

Tuesday, August 02, 2011

That Thing

That thing where you tweet "that thing where you"did something instead of just saying the thing you actually did and only two people think it's cute, you and someone else who has never heard it before.

Milky Way

[2:29AM]  I'm awake because I had a terrible nightmare about my mother. I awoke to the ceiling fan going haywire on high-blast (we always leave it on low). I also felt this warm jolting bright light--- like being moved into a zone where ~*spirits*~ (my angels perhaps?) could reach me.

Of course instead of logically attributing this fan thing to the A/C power surge (which sometimes will trigger the ceiling fan light to turn on), I immediately assume that my mom indeed has passed away and she is trying to signal me from The Other Side. I'd call her, but it's far too late (and that would be crazy).

Now I'm sitting here, having to be up in a couple of hours, with a massive stomach ache and  T-H-E   L-O-U-D-E-S-T   F-U-C-K-I-N-G   K-E-Y-B-O-A-R-D   K-N-O-W-N   T-O   M-A-N-K-I-N-D.

When I was little and couldn't sleep, my mom used to make me drink warm milk. I dreaded it. The smell alone was so putrid, let alone the way it coated your throat on its way down to ominously slosh around in your stomach. Sometimes it would be too hot and she'd blow on it. The stench of insomnia wafted over me as I anticipated to board the train to Vom City, U.S.A.

Later, I'd come to discover that I am lactose intolerant. But I ain't mad at her for forcing milk down my disaccharidase deficient pie hole. Parenting was just different back then. I ought to drink some warm milk for old time's sake right now, but my ass would surely explode.

Sweet dreams,

Monday, August 01, 2011

Hey Ho, Not Fair!

Sometimes the perfect band name has already been taken and there is nothing to do but stomp your feet and scream, "NOT FAIR!" and make lots and lots of empty threats. Here are two prime examples that haunt me day in and day out.
The Riff Randalls. SO clever to name your band after the lead character in a movie about the coolest creatures ever to walk the face of the earth.* To make matters worse, they are a pretty fucking awesome band, too. Phooey!

Then there's Cat Party. CAT PARTY. OK, this might not be kosher because we're kind of in the same "scene" or whateves, but they suck/take themselves too seriously and their band name is awesome, and that just ain't right. (R or) I (can't remember who came up with it first-- we're blurring together) had the brilliant idea of sending them a fresh decapitated cat head for each day they do not relinquish the name.

Not to mention, there's this awesome blog named Cat Party and they should have the sole rights, if anyone, because they are badass chicks. I mean, just look at that GIFFFFFFFFORFUCKSSAKE. 

*AKA the Ramones