Saturday, December 31, 2011

MMXI

I did not take up smoking in 2011.
via
Happy new year.
 

Friday, December 30, 2011

Phantom Surfers Alphabet

About time to fuck
'Bout time to fuck some more
Crisco party
Diaper pussy
Electric dick
Furry little pussy balls
Grafenberg spot
Hambone bush job
I like to fuck
Jack me off (Jill me off)
King Kong ball sack stretched out from teabagging
Long Dong Silver
Mangina
Now lick it clean
Oysters and ass
P-p-p-poontang
Quick fuck in the confessional
Retroactive fuck
Stickpussy
Tapioca hard sticks from hell
U better go get tested
Vegetarian cock
We're a sexy bunch of bastards, aren't we? (hell no!)
Xcuses for premature ejaculation
Y because we like you
Zombie pussy

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

D&DDYTS

 
A dark and dismal downward YouTube spiral. Have you experienced this phenomena where you're looking at something innocuous, then only to realize you've Hansel and Greteled yourself into a dark dark place? Ever been bamboozled by that siren of a "Recommended Videos" sidebar?


Here's a roadmap to my most recent D&DDYTS:


Shit Girls Say Episode 3 [hypnotized by Juliette Lewis' plastic surgery] → Botox Injections → Juvaderm Lip Filler Injections → Breast Lift Surgery → Labiaplasty → Natural Unmedicated Birth

Does this happen to you? What's your worst experience?

Friday, December 23, 2011

W5: Pillars of Star Formation // Paths Crossed


“Unfortunately, the clock is ticking, the hours are going by. The past increases, the future recedes. Possibilities decreasing, regrets mounting.” 
 - Haruki Murakami, Dance Dance Dance


Sunday, December 18, 2011

Sunday, December 11, 2011

Glossophobia


PUBLIC SPEAKING = GULP! PANT, PANT, PANT! GULLLP!!
PUBLIC SPEAKING IN MANDARIN = VOM CITY, U.S.A!!

Friday, December 09, 2011

The Almighty Spongester Challenge

My little buddy
ZEE BACKSTORY:
I first learned about Spongster when they followed me on Twitter. After seeing a few hilarious tweets, I clicked through only to discover the product of my dreams. If you know me at all, you know that I love a good dry sponge


My problem before was that I had a single sponge caddy with shitty suction cups. My Good Sponge was dry as a bone, but my Evil Sponge was left to fester and flop about the sink. So, alas, I bought a Spongester and it makes me happy every time I see it. Best buy of 2011, hands down.


[This is not a sponsored post. I only wish to spread the gospel of Spongester. The Creator has generously obliged to host a contest & giveaway on W&M.] 


ZEE RULES:
To win your own Spongster and possibly have your words put into production, alls you have to do is leave a comment with creative names for the "Good Sponge"/"Evil Sponge" shelves and your contact information. 

No guarantee, but the winning entry could be put into production! Isn't that exciting? Your brain nuggets physically residing in strangers homes all over the world. The winner will be chosen by Spongester and announced on January 15th.  
ZEE FINE PRINT:
All entries are for entertainment purposes only. Any submitted names could be used on a Spongester in a commercial production. By submitting a suggested name or improvement, the contestant agrees to forfeit any claim to royalty, ownership,intelectual property, invention, trademark, copyright  or other restrictions for the use of the name.


...OR if these terms freak you out, get your own here.

Sunday, December 04, 2011