The guy and I do not do Valentine's Day. Like, ever. But all of the sudden, he springs it on me that he got me something. And now I want to get him something, because, you know, he's awesome, and apparently we're gift-givers now. But I have no clue what to buy him for said made-up holiday. Everything out there is just too mushy or involves crap around hanky panky, which is more than likely going to happen because it's a Tuesday and NOT because it's Valentine's Day. He's a practical guy who doesn't do jewelry (as in, he's already lost 2 wedding rings) and he loves his tech stuff. And really, I'm not so much set on giving it to him on Valentine's anyway, since he will be working long hours. So this whole 4-day time limit isn't an issue.
So please, help a sistah out!
The Gifting Impaired
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Dear Gifting Impaired,
Fuck your guy for being so thoughtful and breaking your no gifts treaty (literally & figuratively)! You're probably expecting me to pull an amazing dudetastic gift guide out of my ass and totally solve your problem by telling you what to buy, right? TOO EASY!
Gift giving shouldn't feel like a chore or obligation. Don't get him a gift because he decided to suddenly violate the agreement. My guess is that the breach was caused by him seeing something that he knew you'd love; which is what gifting is all about and NOT some arbitrary date on the calendar.
Forced gifts will inevitably feel forced. Think about when you give someone something you know will make them happy. Do you ever expect a gift in return? NO! (At least I hope not, because that would make you a shitty person [and I don't think you are one].) The gift-giver's ultimate gift is basking in the glow of the giftee's happiness and delight! So that's what you should do. Be a gracious recipient and thank him for his thoughtfulness (oh, and bang him).
If he acts like an asshole about not getting a gift in return 1) you can send him the link to this post and blame it on me 2) you should probably dump his ass for being such a selfish, immature prick.
With that said, if you're still completely stressed about being empty handed, why not get some nice stationery and write him a long heartfelt letter about how much he means to you? Or get something that the two of you can enjoy together, like a fancy bottle of champagne, tickets to a show, passes to a museum, or create an itinerary for a day filled with his favorite places to eat/things to do. Also, this print is pretty awesome:
Good luck, and let us know what he got you, okay??